As the door swung open Gonggong (Grandfather) came to view, my pores tightened, straining to adjust to the air conditioned atmosphere.

It wasn’t just him looking every minute of his century, aunt too. She had been by him all night. With us, Mum’s here to relieve her shift, yet both retiree looked equally winded, it seems if this drags on longer they may well need their own ward.

Approaching the bed, I wondered if the oxygen provided him with better hydrated air, or was it as dry as the ward’s? He is lucid, tired obviously from what started off as an innocuous slip in the shower. It had been 3 months of slow recovery, this latest bout of pneumonia looked close to knocking him for a countdown.

“Hi GongGong, we’re back to see you.” Putting on my chirpiest.

He nodded, tired yet lucid as ever.

“Ah Wei has come to see you, Pak” mum repeated in Hakka. Some might mistook it as being long winded but it belied habits built up over 4 decades- Mum the teacher can’t help herself from reiterating every point, He nodded again, ‘Hooor… ’ came his response, good, not hitting the usual decibels.

“He also can’t hear well” mum said to me, Mandarin-ala-Kedah, he has been hard of hearing for 20 years.

I thought “he did nod”, that came out. I wonder if I sounded exasperated. He’s okay, he heard, no need to be long-winded.

As mum took over, fussing around Gonggong if he’s had a meal, how is he feeling. Its cold isn’t it?

I had hoped I could recall more of that day. Is it a sin to forget interactions with your loved ones? Aren’t these precious memories that keeps them alive even after they had long departed?

You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, be nicer to yourself. Now’s not the time, therapist, out of my head.

Holding back fatigue, I caught up with Aunt, who had made the same journey from Surrey a week earlier.

“He’s steady, Doctor visited last evening and said he will be put on another course of antibiotics, we’ll need to observe how that progresses tonight…..” in little Alor Setar, the juxtaposition of her public school English reflected her 50 years in Britain.

Ueehh..Ueheeh , GG struggling with phlegm, loudly.

Distracted, she walked over to sooth him “…We’re needing to suction him a few times to help ease the phleghm and mucus, its building up”

Retirement hadn’t dulled Nurse Croft, but this persona, this profession, was rarely witnessed as she practiced her profession far away from Malaya. I thought as I swiped Call the Mid-wife from flashing over my vision. Years later now, I realise that persona was her only armour, her coping mechanism.

As fatigue hit, it does strange things to the body- I struggled with the A/C air, so cracked open the window for that mid-day heat to avert the impending shivers, one thing less for Mum and Aunt to notice and worry.

“oh good idea, Wei, turn off the AC too will you, this temperature is not good for your GG” mum interrupted from across the room.

As the warm, moist air rushes over my face, I felt the cold air agitated around my feet, feeling both chill and warmth simultaneously, not enjoying anything one bit. Its as though somewhere around the 12th hour aboard MH3 my body collected 2 more years and stashed it on the wrong side of my dwindling 30s.  

Man, I am dangerously close to getting a Porsche.